4/2/20- dreams.

The dreams are what make grief hardest. I think about her every second of every day and then I go to sleep and see her in my dreams. Sleep has always been my escape from my issues and now there's no way of me getting away from it. I somehow prefer having nightmares to good dreams which are completely beyond me, but seeing her lifeless body being pulled out the water haunts me less than her smile, because when we are happy in the dream I wake up into a real life nightmare. They are constant, there's no break from my pain, her face resonates in my brain and I wake up longing for her cuddles. Dreams not only ruin your sleep but they ruin the day, because how do you tell people that today you just can't do it? That you are so utterly exhausted that you've forgotten how to function. How do you explain the feeling of numbness, that when you're not sad your numbness? And you can't see yourself ever feeling happy again.